Finding Your Own Way As A Doula

When people first start thinking about becoming a doula, a very common question is whether it is possible to shadow an established doula in their work. On the surface, it seems like a logical step. Many careers involve shadowing or work experience placements. Nurses, midwives, carers and teachers all have opportunities to observe and learn from others before they take on responsibility themselves. So it makes sense that people imagine doula work should follow the same pattern.

It is also completely natural to want reassurance when stepping into something new. The idea of sitting alongside someone who has already been doing the work can feel comforting. You imagine it will give you confidence, that you will pick up useful tips, and that it will somehow show you what being a doula really looks like in practice. However, the reality is that doula work is not like other professions. It is highly individual, deeply personal, and rooted in the unique way you connect with families. Shadowing another doula might seem helpful at first, but in practice, it rarely works well and can even create difficulties for both the new doula and the families involved.

Doula work is about presence, not performance. Unlike clinical roles, doulas do not follow a checklist of tasks or procedures. There is no single right way to sit with a woman in labour, to listen to her fears, or to reassure her partner. What makes each doula effective is her ability to bring her own personality, empathy and way of being into the room. If you were to shadow another doula, you would only be watching her way of doing things. She might use certain phrases or offer a particular style of comfort. She might bring her own kind of humour, energy or silence into the birth space. None of this is something you can simply copy, because it is authentic to her.

Trying to imitate another doula’s way of working is a bit like putting on someone else’s shoes. They may look perfectly fine from the outside, but as soon as you start walking, you notice they pinch and rub, because they were never made for you. Being a doula is about developing confidence in your own style and trusting that your presence is enough. That is something you cannot achieve by sitting in the corner of someone else’s work and taking notes.

Another reason shadowing is problematic is the sensitive nature of the work itself. Doulas are often invited into the most private and vulnerable moments of a family’s life. Birth is intimate, raw and deeply personal. Postnatal recovery can be messy, emotional and unpredictable. Families are opening their homes and their hearts to you. Hospitals usually allow only two birth partners in the room. If a woman chooses her partner and her doula, there is simply no space for an observer. Even at home, where there is technically more flexibility, having extra people present can interfere with the flow of labour. Birth physiology relies on oxytocin, the hormone of love and safety. Too many eyes watching can reduce oxytocin, slow contractions and even affect the outcome of the birth.

Beyond logistics, there is also an ethical question. Families hire a doula to feel supported, not observed. They may not want someone else sitting in the corner, listening in on intimate conversations, or trying to learn from their vulnerable moments. Confidentiality is not just about keeping what you hear private; it is also about respecting who is invited into the room in the first place. This is one of the reasons why shadowing is discouraged across the doula community.

Sometimes people imagine that shadowing is necessary because they confuse doula work with roles that involve practical, hands-on care. In midwifery or nursing, shadowing makes perfect sense because you need to learn how to take blood pressure, insert a cannula, monitor a foetal heart rate or administer medication. These are technical skills that can be demonstrated and then copied. However, doula work is not about tasks. It is not about "delivering" babies, changing nappies for parents, or taking over the daily care of a newborn. It is about guiding, supporting and encouraging families to find their own way.

A good example of this is in postnatal support. If a mother is learning to change her baby’s nappy, my role is not to swoop in and do it for her while she watches. That will only make her feel less capable. Instead, I might say, show me how you do it, and then offer gentle suggestions if she is struggling with the sticky tabs or if the fit looks a bit off. If she wants to bathe the baby, I prepare the towels, fill the bath at the right temperature, and make sure everything is calm and ready. However, she is the one who places her hands on her baby, because that is how she learns and grows in confidence. Doula support is about enabling parents to step into their own role, not about demonstrating ours.

It is the same when thinking about training doulas. You cannot learn to be a doula by watching someone else, because the essence of the role is about being in your own way. It is about the energy you bring, the way you listen, the way you hold space. These are not things that can be copied. They need to be lived and experienced.

Shadowing another doula can also create an unhelpful habit of comparison. If you are sitting in on someone else’s work, you might notice how easily she connects with her clients, how she phrases things in a way that sounds polished, or how naturally she handles silence. It is very easy in those moments to think, I could never do it like that, she is so much better than I am. What you do not see is the uniqueness of that relationship. Perhaps they laugh together because they share a sense of humour.

Perhaps she uses techniques that feel natural to her, but would feel awkward to you. None of it means you would be less effective. It simply means you would do it differently.

When you shadow, you risk falling into self-doubt instead of building your own voice. Doula training and ongoing support should focus on nurturing your confidence, not on copying someone else’s. Every doula has her own rhythm, her own way of connecting, and her own strengths to bring into the work. Families do not need you to be a replica of another doula. They need you to be fully yourself.

There is also the practical reality that doulas are self-employed. Unlike student midwives who are part of a hospital team, new doulas are running their own businesses. They find clients, set their own fees, and shape their services in a way that feels right to them. No doula has a professional reason to invite someone to shadow them, and doing so can complicate the relationship with their clients. It can also blur the lines about who has actually been hired.

What new doulas need instead is support in setting up their own business. This means learning how to talk about what you do in a way that makes sense to families, how to create a package that feels sustainable, how to communicate your boundaries, and how to step into your role with confidence. This is why high-quality training and mentoring matter so much, because they give you the foundation to begin without feeling like you have to copy anyone else.

That does not mean you cannot ever learn from more experienced doulas. One alternative that works well is offering yourself as a backup. Many doulas have backup arrangements in case they are unwell, have family commitments, or are called to another birth. As a backup, you may have the opportunity to attend an antenatal session with an experienced doula. This gives you a glimpse of how she structures her meetings and how she interacts with her clients, but it is done with the family’s consent and within a clear agreement. You are not sitting quietly in a birth room; you are part of a professional arrangement. This kind of experience can be helpful because it shows you how another doula works without undermining confidentiality or trust.

At The BirthBliss Academy, we believe strongly that every doula’s style is unique. There is no one script to follow. What families need most is not a textbook doula, but a real human being who shows up with compassion, presence and authenticity. Our training is designed to give you the knowledge and tools you need, but also the encouragement to trust your instincts and find your own way. We do not encourage shadowing because we want you to feel empowered, not dependent. You will not learn to be a doula by copying someone else. You will learn by stepping into the role yourself, with support and guidance as you grow.

Shadowing may sound like a good idea if you are thinking of careers like nursing, teaching or midwifery. Doula work is not about performing tasks or following instructions. It is about building trust, holding space, and bringing your authentic self into the room. Having an extra observer at a birth can affect the physiology of labour, undermine confidentiality, and create confusion. Watching another doula may even leave you doubting yourself, when in fact the whole point is that you are meant to do it your way.

The best way to start your doula journey is by investing in your training, building your business, and stepping into the work with guidance and encouragement. At The BirthBliss Academy, we are here to walk alongside you, helping you grow into your own unique style of doula work so that you can serve families with confidence and heart.