A Day in the Life of a Doula: What Doulas Actually Do

When people ask me what a doula actually does, I usually smile. It's a fair question with a short answer and a longer one. The short answer is that doulas offer practical, emotional and informational support to women and families during pregnancy, birth and the early weeks after a baby arrives. The longer answer is what this post is about.

People often picture a doula rushing out of the door at a moment's notice, racing to get to a birth. It's rarely like that. By the time labour starts, we have usually been in touch with our client for weeks. We know how she's feeling and we've talked through what she hopes for. When the message comes, it's seldom a surprise.

No two days are the same. Here is what one might look like.

Mornings: phones, birth bags and on-call life

If you're a birth doula, your phone is never far away when you're on call. Some mornings start with nothing more than a text checking how the night went. Others start with the message that things are beginning to happen.

Early labour can go on for a long time, so you might spend the morning messaging back and forth while your client rests at home. You let her know you're ready to come when she wants you. In the meantime you charge your phone, check your bag and eat a proper breakfast, because you may not get another meal for a while.

Most doulas keep a bag packed by the door. Mine has snacks, massage oil, electric candles, a small speaker for music and a change of clothes.

If nothing is happening, mornings are often for catching up. That might mean replying to emails, checking in with a family by text or preparing for an antenatal session later in the day.

Supporting a birth

When labour starts in earnest, the rest of the day can disappear. You might be heading to a hospital, a birth centre or someone's home. You might be there for six hours or for 26.

At a birth, we aren't timing contractions or doing checks. That's the midwife's role. What we offer is a steady presence. That might mean pressing on someone's lower back through every contraction or helping her find a position that feels better. It might mean offering sips of water or a bite of toast. Sometimes it means sitting in the corner and saying very little, because that is what the room needs.

We also pay attention to the partner. Partners often feel unsure about how to help. A nod or a suggestion from us can make a real difference to them.

One client of mine was in hospital, facing a decision about whether to carry on with her induction. She looked at me and said, "I don't know what to do." It wasn't my decision to make, so I tried to slow things down. I asked her, "What do you need to know to feel clearer?" That question opened the door for her midwife to talk her through the options properly. She made the choice that felt right for her. Afterwards she told me, "You gave me the space to breathe."

When the baby has arrived and the family feels settled, you leave them to get to know each other. You go home and rest. The birth stays with you for a long time after.

Postnatal visits

If you're a postnatal doula, your days have more of a pattern. Visits are booked in advance, often for a few hours at a time. Each one is shaped around what that family needs on that day.

Sometimes that's practical. Putting a wash on, making lunch, changing the bed or holding the baby so mum can have a shower. Sometimes it's taking the baby out in the pram so she can sleep. Often it's sitting with her while she talks through the night she's had, or her birth, or how different this baby feels from her first.

One new mother said to me, "I feel like I should know what I'm doing, but I don't." I sat down beside her and told her that nobody knows everything at this stage. She was learning a little more each day and that takes time.

Some of the most useful visits look like nothing much from the outside. Often it's just a cup of tea and someone in the house, so she doesn't feel alone.

Some families also book night shifts, where you look after the baby overnight so the parents can sleep.

Afternoons: antenatal sessions and the business

When you aren't at a birth or a postnatal visit, afternoons often go on antenatal sessions. These are usually one or two hours with expectant parents, talking through what they hope for and what worries them.

Every family wants something different. One couple wants to practise comfort measures together. Another wants to rehearse conversations they might have in hospital. Someone else wants to talk through a difficult first birth and think about what might help this time.

Being a doula also means running a small business, so there's admin. Replying to enquiries, booking calls with prospective clients, sending invoices and keeping your notes up to date. It's easy to overlook, but it's what keeps your practice going.

There's always something to learn as well. It might be a book, a webinar, a CPD session or simply thinking back over a recent birth. Even after a hundred births, there is more to understand.

Evenings: messages, rest and looking after yourself

Evenings are when questions tend to arrive. A client might message about sore nipples, an unsettled baby or a wobble about how she's coping. We're not available around the clock, but a short reply can carry someone through to the next day. Part of the skill is knowing when a message is enough and when to suggest she calls her midwife, health visitor or GP.

Looking after yourself matters too. Doula work takes a lot of emotional energy. After a long birth or a hard visit, you might go for a walk, have a bath or get an early night. Many doulas talk things through with a coach or with other doulas. Those conversations are where you process what you've seen and carry the learning into the next job.

The harder parts

Doula work isn't always easy. I'd rather you heard that from me now. You'll have sleepless nights. You'll juggle childcare and other commitments around babies who don't arrive on time. You'll have moments of doubting yourself.

You'll also share in grief sometimes. Not every pregnancy or birth ends the way a family hoped. Being there for those families is part of the work too.

Most doulas I know would say it's worth it. You won't remember the washing you folded. You will remember a mother looking at you and saying she couldn't have done it without you.

So what do doulas really do?

We don't deliver babies. Pizzas get delivered. Babies are born.

We don't replace midwives or doctors and we don't tell families what to do. We offer support, information and reassurance, so that parents feel heard and able to make their own choices. Then we stay alongside them while they do.

Could this be your work?

If reading this has made you wonder whether you could do this, take that seriously. You don't need a medical background and you don't need to have given birth yourself. What matters most is a willingness to listen and to learn.

At The BirthBliss Doula Academy, I've trained more than 1,500 doulas since 2005. Our training covers both birth and postnatal support. You can train in person or online and both routes lead to the same Diploma. Afterwards, you have coaching, Doula the Doula sessions and a community of other doulas to lean on while you find your own way of working.

You can see upcoming course dates, compare the in-person and online courses or book a free taster session to get a feel for how I teach.