What happens when women truly support each other? The magic is undeniable. For doulas, it’s the cornerstone of their work, and for women entering the field, it’s the foundation of becoming a doula. Yet, this natural bond is often undermined by societal pressures and competition that seem designed to divide rather than unite. So let's explore the transformative power of female support and touch on the darker history of how women have been conditioned to compete—and how doula training can help us reconnect with this innate strength.
There’s a growing body of evidence that highlights the health benefits of women supporting each other. A 2016 study published in Journal of Psychosomatic Research revealed that women who engage in strong, supportive friendships experience lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. This isn’t just about feeling better in the moment—chronically high cortisol can lead to a host of health problems, from heart disease to impaired immunity. When women gather to listen, encourage, and nurture, they create a kind of protective barrier against life’s challenges.
In a similar vein, UCLA’s groundbreaking research on the “tend-and-befriend” response—a term coined by psychologists Shelley Taylor and Teresa Seeman—shows that women are biologically wired to seek connection during times of stress. Unlike the “fight or flight” response, which dominates much of the conversation around stress, “tend-and-befriend” highlights how women’s evolutionary success depended on forming strong social bonds. This is where the role of a doula becomes so powerful. Supporting others during childbirth is not just about being practical; it taps into something deeply rooted in our shared humanity. Becoming a doula is like coming full circle, rediscovering a primal instinct to care and uplift.
But if women are naturally wired to support one another, why do so many of us feel isolated or competitive? Here’s where the historical and social layers come into play. Research shows that the trope of women being pitted against each other isn’t just anecdotal. Studies from gender sociologists point to how patriarchal systems have often fostered division among women, whether intentionally or as a by-product of societal structures. For instance, historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich has written about the ways colonial societies discouraged midwives from sharing knowledge, promoting a culture of secrecy and mistrust. This wasn’t accidental—keeping women fragmented ensured they had less collective power.
Fast forward to modern times, and while the overt mechanisms of control may have shifted, the residue remains. Social psychologist Dr. Tracy Vaillancourt’s work on relational aggression shows how societal pressures subtly encourage women to undermine each other. From media portrayals to workplace dynamics, many women may feel societal pressures to compete for opportunities or validation, which perpetuates cycles of distrust. It’s a vicious circle—and one that I'd like to think the doula community actively seeks to dismantle.
Doula training is transformative in this sense. It’s not just about learning how to support birthing women and families; it’s about unlearning the internalised narratives that tell us other women are our competition. In a BirthBliss Academy course, for example, there’s as much emphasis on personal growth and emotional intelligence as on practical skills. By the time you’ve completed the course, you’re not just a trained doula—you’re part of a network of women redefining what it means to show up for each other. Many participants describe it as a kind of awakening, a realisation that their success can coexist with the success of others.
The impact of this mindset shift ripples far beyond the birth room. Women who embrace the spirit of doula work often find themselves cultivating healthier relationships across the board—with partners, friends, colleagues, and even strangers. It’s a domino effect of kindness and collaboration. And let’s not forget the example it sets for the next generation. Children raised by or around women who support each other grow up understanding that collaboration is more powerful than competition.
Returning to the theme of support, let’s consider a common scene in doula work: the postnatal visit. A new mother, sleep-deprived and overwhelmed, often feels pressure to “do it all”—and do it perfectly. A doula steps in, not to criticise or offer unsolicited advice, but to listen, affirm, and provide practical help. It’s the ultimate act of solidarity, a reminder that none of us are meant to navigate life’s challenges alone. Becoming a doula means committing to this ethos, but it also requires recognising the ways we’ve been taught to critique rather than connect.
This isn’t to say the journey is without its challenges. Working in a female-dominated field like doula work doesn’t automatically erase the impact of societal conditioning. Misunderstandings, competition, and jealousy can still creep in. But here’s the difference: our doula community provides tools to address these moments constructively. Whether it’s through peer support groups, mentoring, or simply the shared values ingrained during training, there’s a constant emphasis on lifting each other up. When one doula succeeds, it’s seen as a win for everyone.
There’s also something deeply healing about reclaiming spaces that have often been shaped by external influences. Childbirth, traditionally centred around women, became medicalised over time, sometimes leading to less inclusive practices. Doulas are helping to bring it back to where it belongs—not by excluding medical professionals, but by ensuring the birthing woman’s voice is central. This collaboration—not competition—is a model that has broader implications for how we navigate the world.
At the end of the day, the magic of women supporting each other lies in its authenticity. It’s not about grand gestures or perfection; it’s about showing up, day after day, with open hearts and open minds. For those considering a career in doula work, this is the heart of what you’re signing up for. It’s more than a job; it’s a way of being. And for those who are already doulas, it’s a reminder of the profound impact you’re having—not just on individual families, but on the larger tapestry of society.
So, whether you’re just starting your journey or well into your career, take a moment to reflect on the power of what you do. You’re not just supporting births; you’re reshaping narratives, healing wounds, and showing the world what’s possible when women truly have each other’s backs.
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